My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My ass is underappreciated
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize