I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
