Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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