mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
