I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
