And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
