apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
