My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
whose parrot is this?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
