No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
