oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
