Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
