Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
