I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
