i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
