There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
