"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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