Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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