Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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