remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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