when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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