Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
