It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
