Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
