i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
