Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
