Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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