doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
