lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
