I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
