just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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