Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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