Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
