saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
