So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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