i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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