I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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