I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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