Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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