did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?