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• (248): View more from Michigan

  My nipple is on Facebook.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

  Fav 1 826 2460

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

  Fav 14 1069 3165

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.

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• (760): View more from California

  Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly

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• (956): View more from Texas

  You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom

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• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?

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• (805): View more from California

  I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.

  Fav 2 9 39

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.

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