The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap