you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.