Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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