i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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