You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
