Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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