I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
