dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
