Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
zippers are such a cool invention
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
