I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
