i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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