Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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