someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
