Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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