WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Operation Purity has been aborted
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
