I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
