Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
