your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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