There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
