worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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