Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
