Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
