I am in a vortex of obligation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
