Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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