My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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