Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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