i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A bitchslap is in order.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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