Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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