I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
