God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
