I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
