She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
