Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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