I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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